A Note From The Writer



Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Wireless ...brainless...Hopeless

I hate it when my internet is a blinking red light.
I don't mean 'blinking' as a swearword either (wtf do people use it as a swearword for ??)
Trying to set up a computer network should be easy. I know. The pictures are pretty simple and yet somehow something always goes royal.

My computer watches on with bemusement, muttering through his lips, a joint clinging to the bottom lips.

Computer [voice of samuel jackson]
"LOSER - You have no fucking idea what you are doing, stop pretending you do - you are embarassing both of us now."
I changed a few settings and then all of a sudden it flashes green for a millisecond. Well, I nearly peed my pants with excitement... then...

BEEEEEEEEEP ERRRRRRGH WEEEOOOR WEEEEEOR !!!! Flashing pink and yellow crazy ass screens in front of my eyes and crazy crashing shit - everywhere.

[Samuel Jackson Computer Face]
"OH YEAH! Shit man...You had to be the smart-girl. Now you gone and hit some buttons and you just made it fucking worse didn't you. Please call a proffesional, you make me feel dirty. P.s Fuck you. "

I think I'm more patient than BF - however I am very erm ..demanding and rude. Yes, that's it. I turn into "Miss You Are SO Incompetent and I'm sooo tolerating you right now". LOL.
Ego check aisle nine please !

Sorry BF. I know I was a cunty. There is no other words to justify so I'm just going to call it.
I blame the call centre man in India as after him it all went pearshaped.
Let's blame him anyway and never speak of the fork incident again..

For those that are just joining us, BF and I attempted to install a router (which I keep calling a rooter accident's) so our house will become a hotspot. (Internet in bed...Internet while pooping)
After three hours and one missed episode of Temptation Island (grr) we are still clicking the mouse and making vague comments like..

"click" OH here we go..."click" "click" Thissss should do it "click"
DUNG ! DUNGK! (I hate that error noise but I guess it's better than applause)
BF made me give up because the bitcho meter was up to nine with a bullet.

Anyways, being a woman (sometimes) I needed to prove I am way smarter than him.
He thinks I talk up my tech experience cos I have msn plus and firefox and think I now everything (jeeelooooous)

Therefore, I am proud to announce. I have connected the router to my adsl connection and posting this post as evidence ! I RULE! I just had to know it was HIM and not me.
However we really need it to connected to his. Le Sigh.

However, we don't want the adsl routed - we want the cable that he has in the loungeroom to be broadcast to mine in the study. I just wanted to prove that without him hovering I could easily complete the task, even though we tried with his for four hours and lots of calls to "helpers" that didn't really explain anything at all ! We are doing this to save money (having two connections in the same flat is pushing the internet junkie syndrome to beyond limits!)

In fairness to me, I hope he remembers that is all about trimming the fat so we can save money for our house and future. Although it may be a rocky road as I just remembered a charming soundbyte from the third hour of config/app/din32frigin bastard102/ said
"Stop breathing on me dickface".
Ten minutes later
Breathe quitely and stop staring at the modem, your jinxing it.
Good Lord.
The old "Can't you fucking breathe quieter" line is a sure fire express route to the doghouse.
Especially if they are asthmatic (spelling?)

Damn. I was sooo sure I would have the "rooter" up and done in ten minutes and we would be zippin around on our new cable connection (a saving of seventy dollars per month for me) I don't know how we are going to divide the bandwidth either. I have a few sites to maintain and he likes to download a lot of movie clips, so it remains to be seen whether we can play nice.

It took me seven days to explain how it all would work and I did draw pictures of Mummy computer and baby computer. Bless his little cotton socks ! He has gone to bed now and I'm kinda nervous about going in there - I hate it when you know you have been a cow.

I've got nothing.
But I do have some nice panties he hasn't seen saved for such an occasion.
Yeah for all the little girls reading ... Know how to use the power of the P and the world will miraculously start spinning in a whole new light. Try to be nice most of the time - it helps.
Screw communication - start with a well-meant and toothless blowjob (take it down that extra centimeter for maximum effect) Men are simple creatures - don't sweat it.

Failing that - take a sleeping pill and keep him up all night snoring.
That's probably even more fun.. As all boys really do smell.
Zimbabwe deposit time is soon - 300 dollars ! I have this though, so that's good. I'm really excited to put money down (non-refundable) as that cements that I'm going in my mind.
I went to the doctors today and really laid it all out in pure English. Basically - if I keep missing weeks of the drugs (but I still get all the sides) then it's not exactly advantageous if I keep plodding along. I won't quit until I feel that there is no other option. I got liver alts back and they are 13 - which is the lowest they have ever been.
I didn't have meds last week but my white cells have recovered so this week I get drugs.
Then ...Of course bloods will drop and will have to have a week off.
Not the best situation - but it's mine for now and I will keep fighting this disease.
I know my children will love me for it later.
I know that I will thank me for it later.

Take care of yourselves ! Your body is not invincible and it commands respect.
Be good to it - and in turn it will be good to you.

Bless all the lovelies,
HG

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