A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

I changed my mind (again)

Whatever you do..Stay true

Ok. I can't sleep. I'm a writer with an acute case of the toss and turns and my fingers were having mini Bill Gates spasms. I knew something just wasn't right.
My creative genius was not happy. Basically, it didn't agree with the tabloid blog. So I'm scrapping it and do it with much more depth and skill. This is the new one
Heroinegirl will still be operating, I want the other blog to give back to the writers that inspire me and also I found there is no resource for actual blog writing and how to reach a bigger audience, so I'm making one. It will be fun and inspiring, just like blogging should be.
Main reason - I explained it wrong and I rushed in rather than really feel out what I wanted to do. I do this a lot because (a) I'm female (b) I'm hormonal (c) I just upped my anti-depressants and everything seems so much clearer now. *blush*

I don't like the word blog/bloggers/blogaratti - it gives me the shits and let's face it, who can spell blogarazzi anyways??! (gayest. Word. Ever.) After the quality of writing I have read, I want to have a blog that celebrates that. True, I don't want it to be heavy but it need not be trifle or petty either. I respect you guys that read me. Talent pours from your fingertips in golden arches of understanding. Now, before you start filing a restraining order - relax. I'm not going to dedicate a whole blog to how people blog - I don't know what I was thinking. Ok, I do.
I think I would like to create a special place (that's not lame) that friends are among friends.
I know this is mighty ambitious as some writers (not saying bloggers on this blog) cling to the joy of anonymous writings and I respect that. I also enjoy not knowing everything and using my own imagination. Gossip was the wrong word - I would like to make stories and share them with whoever is interested in some of the greatest storytellers of the modern media.

It occurred to me when I was having a real-life conversation with a fan that had decided to actually speak to me. The cross-over was rather perplexing for him. In his mind, I was heroinegirl. It was almost like I was not allowed to be someone else - in order to keep the image intact. For most bloggers this is fine and the boundaries are effective in both screening out crazy obsessed fans or the odd nasty critic. However, I'm different. What you see is what you get and I'm just not into playing fantasy when the truth is far more thrilling and beautiful.

The people that create my favorite blogs are indeed beautiful people and it sparkles through the writing. I believe there is much more to learn and to share with others that have similar aspirations to write quality writing. Writing and communication are my two greatest passions and so I admit the whole online diary thing totally makes me insane with happiness. The concept of self-publishing is a major coup for people like me. You see, I'm not a writer snob.
Hell - you have probably winced your way through a litany of spelling errors just making it to this point, but I have passion. I believe it's enough. I believe we could help each other more, if by only providing a distraction from becoming a blogging robot.

You know the voices inside your head. Shit - I have to blog and I have no fucking clue what I'm going to talk about today. Tony said I must blog everyday. I said I would blog everyday.
People will think I have nothing to say. People will lose interest in me.
People won't know about me... And what I think is important to me.

I always wanted to be a writer, I just never knew I could be. Heroinegirl was a small flicker of hope and I will continue with that blog and this one. This way, I'm growing as a writer and helping others. Trust me I need the answers just as much as you love talking about yourself.

One of my goals for my new blog is explore the stories behind the storytellers. Hopefully in the process, I can learn to develop a new skill set as a writer. I believe it's important to always try and hone your skills and accommodate a wide variety of prose. After writing the autobiographical Heroinegirl, I found the subject matter dark and hostile (as it had to be) . Now it's time for me to start to flesh out the two-dimensional facet of blogging and make it more 3d. I'm a blogger, just like you, of a successful webblog so I can appreciate the certain level of privacy bloggers are protective over - I'm not out to compromise that. When I say Three dimensional - I picture this composite;
1. the content 2. the person 3. the style.
I don't believe we have enough blogs that cover the third step and for that matter the first and second. Just remember that a blog is created every three seconds.. yet it always seems to be the big guys that are getting most readers. I don't read them - so who is reading mine?

When has being on our own been such a bad thing ? Why do we want to be bigger and better but no one actually admits that they are a writer - even in the most simplistic definition. Resources are limited, we don't have forums on how to write better weblogs, what works and what doesn't when it comes to personal revelation. How do I know what's wise and works.
I'm interested to read your blog but not interested enough to look beyond the fantasy that I have created ? How can I ever try to grow as a writer when I expect so little from what I read?. Staying true to the writing process is realizing that we do crave an emotional response from the material. I don't think comments are enough. How many times have you thought "If one more person says I'm fabulous I'm going to scream" I mean, those commenter are our biggest fans that like to comment but many writers of other blogs already have preconceived ideas about who you are as a person and how you approach your journal keeping. Personally, I do exactly the same thing as you so why would I pretend to not care how you do things and what experiences you have that lead you to write and capture life.

We cannot always talk in rhetoric...I believe it makes sense to talk to each other.
I hope Literally Speaking will put a face behind the words, not just a voice.

Some of us have already formed a community and within that community resides an untapped resource of communication. Rather than Cliques and Clusters of People, I would rather this blog be a central spot of reference. Bloggers love to talk about themselves to the faceless readers - but you can still retain security and learn how to be a better writer? Learning how to self-publish has been a arduous sometimes harrowing task, the people I have met tremendous - the lessons I have learnt have been priceless. I would be lying if I told that "it's just blogging"
That's why I feel everyone of my 100,200 hits over the last five months, because I know how hard I had to dig to keep it real and please myself first.

So to clarify, this is not just a gossip blog and it's not full of those intense interviews full of questions that you can't relate to. Some of my most favorite writers - simply have no idea how fabulous they are. I think this is a flaw in our writing infrastructure and hampers our creative process. As a journal writer, I appreciate the break from self-introspection but I have no other methods to reach out to the people I read. Well, no more. I'm taking the blogger by the horns.
Yes I realize I said Blogger but it was a pun on the saying.

Of course as always I would appreciate your support and in turn I will continue to strive to inspire and entertain you with my writing. That's why we are the same.
It always takes a while for me to find my feet.
But when I do, rest assured I will hit the ground running.

It's ok to take a look outside blog world for a moment and realize that as individuals we all have a special kind of star power - it shines through in our magical words, every single day.

Just remember ...Stay true.
The Blogarazzi Blog will close in 24 hours
but this is the real new blog

Heroinegirl will resume it's normal heavy and intense ride ..
I could never leave my sexy pink and black girl ... she's too sweet a ride.


ahh i feel so much better ...now I can drift off to sleep.
hey guess what... dad rang the other day for no reason other than to say "I love you".
I wonder if he was drunk but it's still nice to hope that he wasn't.
I guess it's a case of baby-steps..even for the grown-ups.

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