A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Thursday, March 10, 2005


For those beautiful readers that have been wondering how my new life is going - it is really steaming ahead. I think I'm finally ready to absolve my past and put it bed. I've outgrown Heroinegirl almost and I'm learning to be ok with that. It's time for me to get the publishing done and of course begin the process of collating all the memoirs and filling in the blanks.
What a masterpiece it will be.

So if your wondering what makes this blog different to my other one, I will say this is my personal blog, where you can find whats going on in my personal life and my continuing journey to reclaim my life and remove the toxic build-up of days pasts. The other blog is an evolving site where I can muse about writing and self-publishing and has content about not just me, but those that have inspired me to be a better writer.

So this is more like a journal now, the Memoirs are getting pimped up and glossed up and I'm sure you will adore the little gems as much as I do and if I get a super book deal , I will give out some free signed copies - rest assured !

I have committed to completing my treatment which ends August 08, 2005.
I am tempted to go out and get absolutely poached with those fancy drinks that you only by when you are really really drunk and ambitious (you know the 15 dollar variety with umbrellas)
but I know that is not doing my liver any favours. I really hope that the Hep C has gone - it's a 50% chance. You got ask yourself one question - Do I feel lucky. The answer is yes.

The even better news is that I have overcome my depression (being pale and sick and getting numerous injections takes it toll on your mental state) and I know this by how I'm finally appreciating that there is an end in sight. That's how I know I'm controlling my mood fluctuations, as they seem almost simplistic and factual now - it ends when I say it does and it's that simple.

The best part about this clarity (Honestly this health crisis has been the most challenging but also one of the most valuable sabatticals of my life) is I'm travelling overseas in October.
Basically, a group of five of us are travelling to Zimbabwe and my girlfriend from the UK is flying over as well. Now, the airfare is $3000 australian to Zim alone , so I've decided to travel direct to the UK in October (work for the two months to raise the airfare) then fly to Zim with my girlfriend to meet the others. In Zim we are staying in lodges and also renting a houseboat for the Christmas period and New Years. Because we are travelling with six people (all my closest buddies) we anticipate the most expensive part about going to Zim will be the airfare. After seeing all the animals and doing the nature thing, my girlfriend and I are going to be doing humanitarian work in South Africa or maybe in Zim itself. I will definately be assessing the political climate and if at any stage I feel that I'm in danger then it will be a case of "let's go".
I hope I don't get into a one on one with any form of wilderness (seriously) I'm very excitable.

The plight of the South African people to me is immensely moving to me. A deeper part of me beckons (almost aches) to give back to the world, especially those that have enormous grief and suffering, for no fault of their own. I belief my own experience in overcoming adversity and maintaining postitivy in the face of utter bleakness, is indeed a god given gift that is best shared with the world, as best as I can. So I have made the choice to learn from these amazing people and to share in the beauty and extremities of life. In short, I am expecting a life-changing experience.

But then we leave the camp and we may quickly go to the islands (we may do this first, still ironing out details and relaxing on the pristine beaches to unwind and reward ourselves with plenty of sunshine and swaying palm trees. I have never seen aquamarine water - do you believe?

Then both my girlfriend and I will board a plane back to The Uk where I will stay with her for a further two months and perhaps travel to Paris, Ireland and other destinations doing a backpacking journey around Europe and such. Now, I know that this blog is a great source of international wisdom and I want you to really go through my plans and find any flaws.
I have never done this before (Japan was a school trip) and truth be known I'm totally thrilled but peeing my pants at the same time.

I hope I can find work in UK - but it would only be for a very short time - maybe two months.
I have never worked in a bar and I can't do the tom cruise cocktail routine at all.
Plus how do I go about finding a reputable volunteer agency that doesn't charge me $2000 to volunteer - although I could consider doing fundraising for the program ?

Has anyone been to these places .. help!

These are my dreams


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