A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Monday, February 14, 2005


Valentine's Day makes most people cranky. The abundance of hearts and teddy bears assaults our peace of mind as we trudge through the shopping centre, desperate to escape the tangle of ribbon and bow. Desperate housewives throng to the novelty stores, eating up gift ideas like emotional valium, boxer shorts that proclaim "Devil In the Sack" or something equally ambitious.

Love is.. my favorite flavor.
In fact, loving myself has helped me survive incest, abuse, death, drug abuse, loss and trauma and has made me stronger than ever to give back to the universe.

As I type this , tears are forming in my eyes as I think of how I've had a second chance at life - better than I could ever imagine !!

I prefer to celebrate being in love every day. I don't let it get me down that some people need an offical hallmark accredited moment to share feelings. My loved ones are what matters to me, even more so since being ill. Love is the reason I'm alive, no doubt about it. When I wake up in the morning, the first thoughts that flutter into my mind is love. I'm grateful for the people that stood by me and for the people that have gratefully passed through my life. I feel proud of my future and I understand my past. It's a special life that I have ahead of me now.

It takes practice and patience, but each day just gets better and better from that moment on. I owe so much to my partner, who has selflessly dedicated the last eight months to giving me injections, maintaining my chemo/medication levels are manageable and basically making me laugh when it all seems way too serious.
We have been through hell and back and we are ready to keep on moving forward.
The respect we have for each other is enormous, through the good times and bad.

So whatever way you choose to celebrate this "mc love day" ...remember that everyday is a chance to give some love - not only to others, but to yourself.
It starts inside you, you hold your own hand.
You are the commitment .

To my boyfriend :

Every single day I thank God that he thought I was special enough to be blessed with you in my life. Thank you..forever.

Happy Valentines Day Everyone


olivia@sheister said...

My gosh. I loved that post. I feel the same way about so much you said.
Inspired by you...and other wonderfully articulate bloggers. I have started my own. I'd love if you came and checked it out.
It's in its embroyonic stages..but I am hoping to create something wonderful.
Love Olivia

Sk8RN said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

MeL said...

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Very well written :-)

Vics said...

Yup - you said it gal. Today is the first time in over 10 years I've felt happy and comfortable enough to just go with the flow on valentines, whether single or not...

Having someone who's there for you is only a really good thing if you are there for yourself first - the real sad thing is how long it took me to realise this.

Garrison Steelle said...

Your words are as beautiful as the person writing them.

But then, that's always the case, isn't it?

Love you every day, HG. Every.Cotton-pickin'.Day.


darling maggot said...

happy valentine's day, sooky lala. xoxoxoxo

Atomic Bombshell said...

Hugs and Love!

HeroineGirl said...

ooh fancy new comments, these are nice! Thank you to all the new readers that always come in and leave a comment, it really cheers my day!

Ive been limiting my time on the net at the moment so I can catch up with my studies and the surgical removal of several other thorns in my side.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day, please know that you are loved


Thank you to Gman and Skater and DM for your roses ;)

SleekBlackMercedes said...

Happy Valentine's day!!!


HarleyWriter said...

Thanks for the smile.

D.T. said...

Maybe that's the blessing that's come out of all of this. Having someone who's been to hell and back with you and is still around, just shows how much love the both of y'all have. I guess that's the thing...to remember that love and to show it to him... Every day.

P.S. Hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day

michael said...

great post, chica