My friend jodie gave me her first memoir
As for the Heroinegirl Memoirs they start next week, just needed a change in focus.
It's very hard to constantly write about oneself ! However, it must be done lovelies as I'm fabulous etc etc. I've already noticed that I'm feeling clear headed and more efficient since monitoring my internet usage. At the moment it feels rather heavy handed - I have post it notes on my monitor that says "Are you happy that everything is done?" and other things "Resist The Vortex" ( that last one was a joke, but many a true thing was said in jest)
I just love that smarmy mouth saying - it's pretty final really.
The custody has gone well - the girls are back with us on the weekends which is awesome.
I must admit that this time I'm trying not to get so attached as much as I did last time. When the mother pulled them away because of my Hepatitis it felt like my heart had exploded.
The pain....was more than painful ...it was all I could feel instead of dying.
I don't "do" reserved emotions very good. I'm a loving person, warm and trusting till the day I die. I'd rather deal with the fall-out than never feel the glow of the fireworks on my face.
It's hard to be emotionally guarded with any child- having experienced this myself I know it doesn't protect anyone in the big picture - love for today and the rest seems to flow.
Being a stepmother is a hard and sometimes thankless task, you develop motherly affections and so does the child but ultimately it can be taken away from you without warning or reason. But for now, they are back and I realize how much I missed them.
It's so lovely to have the house filled with chirpy chatter again, to feel their little hands in mine when we cross the supermarket car-park. Playing in the garden, catching dandelions and teaching the girls how to swing. These are gifts that I have taught them and I look forward to many more life lessons. I love our family dinners which dissolve into fits of hysterical giggles behind strategically cupped hands , much to daddies mock anger. It's all wonderful and light because tonight is a special night. Saturday night is our night to share the magic of family, so Daddy laughs along too and life just flows along with it. In fact, Saturday night is his favorite night of the week - how could it not be ?
When Lil girl nestles herself in my lap for a quick doze, I stroke her angel hair and I realise ; it's not about whether this moment can last forever - it's that in the moment the stars shine like diamonds in her eyes and I experience her beauty and trust with all she has to give.
It makes me so young again, the garden swing brushing the top of the cotton candy clouds and the night is brilliant for love ..
I wouldn't change a thing.
I will always love like I have nothing to lose.
Every single day of your life.
I will always know that I have everything to gain