A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


Hello Lovelies !

I have updated my memoirs list to the right eight more have been added to the archives.
Memoirs are 100% true but names have been changed. They are also in sequence and will help you understand the flow of the story so far. Memoir season is now !

Before the carnival left off I wrote two memoirs regarding cheating on The Ex. You may recall I started to see a handsome client by the name of Marcus unbeknown to The Ex for about three months. My last memoir was about the confrontation between The Ex and I.

The heroin addiction always came before romance, so The Ex agreed to let me sleep with Marcus and return to the motel in the day to work as a prostitute to support our heroin habits.
It tore him up inside to share me with another man, we had been together for almost five years. Regardless, it was all he could say to make sure I would stick around. Without me, I was 100% certain he would die. It was a lot of pressure for a 22 year old, one that I think made me seek refuge in the arms of another man. I wanted an out. I wanted to find the straightest and most disciplinarian man I could. I knew Marcus could take me out of the rabbit hole.
I just didn't know if a man could stop me from shooting junk into my arm. It was my arms and my high - nothing to do with him. That's how I felt after years of survival instinct , it was me against the world and that was ok - as long as we left each other be. Love / Hate relationship.

It had been like that for three years by now, I estimated that I blew 50,000 dollars into our "golden arms". Marcus did not know about the Ex and he didn't know about the Heroin.
Granted, he knew about the hooking as thats how he found me - but I suspected he had no idea of the full story. My youth was just a mask, underneath I was an old bent soul, warped with festering sores of a wrong direction.

No comments: