A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Saturday, January 29, 2005


Had my doctors appointment today and had the six month PCR test and I'm 100% negative.
I was offered to cease treatment but that would lower my chances of clearing virus to 30%.
If I continue for the next six months of Combination Therapy then I will have a 50% chance.

However, in order to stay on the drugs I need to have another "chemo related drug" that requires three injections a week and has a nasty side-effect of chronic bone pain. It means even more blood tests and more appointments and it also means that I will be having the full strength drugs which is great but daunting - I wasn't coping so well as it was. I had my new injection today and I visted the cancer ward and saw some really disturbing things and very sad. I started to feel faint and tears started forming, but I need to be brave. I've got emails from people saying get out of your past and into your future - my future is my story. I am who I am. In time, I will be out living life and getting famous. Right now though, I'm really quite sick. I find blogging is a great way to keep my brain working and also a great way to practise writing. I'm sure you will agree that my actual writing style has progressed quite well and this blog is only four months old.

I know that my life will always be a beautiful love story that I share with you. I love to write and with me - there is no memoir - it's all of me. I've always remained true to myself and thats why I'm not lost. I'm not living in the past - I'm writing it down to share my lessons of love with those that want to buy my book. I don't know the details of my future yet but I'm planning for it to be bright.

A lot of memoirs that I'm going to write will not ever show in this blog either - you will have to buy the book lovelies. Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Just enjoy the ride.

I hate being sick - it's so passe.



Anonymous said...

don't give in. Its quite obviously going to be so very hard, but in the end it will be so very worth it. You've been through so much already and survived, don't let this one throw you


Jake said...

I have been reading your blog for a while now and I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy it. You are a fantastic writer and your honesty is wonderful. It's an amazing thing about life that are darkest moments can be our most beautiful because they speak to what it means to be human. No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated inside and that is beautiful.

Garrison Steelle said...

HG, what IS in that young heart of yours that you have so much incredible strength? Glad to hear the test was completely negative.


HeroineGirl said...

Aww thank you guys so much :)

I feel better today , the new drugs are in addition to the old ones but they are meant to be the best.
Otherwise, I could develop bone cancer or osteoporosis.
That sounds painful so I'm sticking with the additional injections. How ironic that I have a needle phobia.

My secret life said...

you know I share the needle phobia!