A Note From The Writer



Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Monday, January 10, 2005

The Soundtrack


Heroinegirl
White Label Collection
TO INSPIRE JOURNEY THROUGH EMOTION

Music is such an integral process of my writing. I would describe my tastes as diverse
and emotionally driven. Composing the Memoir is aided by listening to songs that quickly
"tap" into my emotions and allow me to write with such candor.
Here is a snapshot of my creative influences and heroes.
Should you wish to obtain a MP3 of any of the material, feel free to
email myself and I will give you further details.

Inspiration (ugh that word is ruined)

You Got The Love (Now Voyager Mix) - The Source featuring Candi Station
Brillant, uplifting song that I play everyday after writing a sad memoir or if in need of an instant reminder of my wonderful life. Final song from SATC.
Bigger Than Body - ( Acoustic Mix) - John Mayer
Upon looking back at photos of myself as a child, I see my helplessness yet I have learnt to forgive myself that I didn't fight hard enough against my abuser. I still manage to blossom but it's so hard to believe that I'm beautiful. All I know for now; I am bigger than my body gives me credit for...
Everybody Is Free (To Wear Sunscreen) Baz Luhrmann *lyrics
This track was given to me by a dear friend when I was struggling on the Methodone program. Inspiring song and also very true. I should remember his advice more often.
Return To Innocence - Enigma *lyrics
The anthem of my inner child, I loved this song from the minute I heard the message it spoke to the pain inside me. Even at a young age it struck a chord. I would love to have this at my wedding, the day I can celebrate with peace and emotional trust. Two emotions that herald my personal Return of Innocence.
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman *lyrics
This song I find empowering. Where would I be without my independance and courage! I believe it's crucial to always have a plan B. Make sure you always treasure you friends ( they will be there for you until the end) and always keep an open plan. Be ready to move on confidently from something that no longer gives you joy.

Aggression

Liar - Henry Rollins *lyrics, Rage Against The Machine , Sabotage - Beastie Boys.
People that know me may agree that I have a rebellious/crazy streak, but in reality it is only misguided passion. I could not choose between these fellows , they all totally rock. Who doesn't like to scream;
"Fuck YOU I won't Do what You Tell Me!!!" x 3 and then ...of course..all together...
Motherfuckers !! - (Killing In The Name) Henry Rollins is a demi-god and Beasties always get me banging.
That is all.

Miss World - Hole - lyrics * memoir
Courtney Love is a bit of anger release for me - I love her "Stick It To The Man" approach. Although she loves her drugs openly, she is a true rock star and she does messy so well. I will never be perfect, imperfection makes me unique. I have learnt that nobody is a princess all the way through ;)
Lithium - Nirvana - *lyrics * memoir
This song is the 'slam my door and put this on VERY loud' track , probably my favorite Nirvana song. It ties with 'All Apologies' ( I can really relate to that one ) so many people want to "help" you by telling you how much you fucked them over - but after two years (and all my apologies) you start to really wonder - Is it really me we are talking about here ? I wish I was like you..easily amused. Some people struggle to match an expectation, that they think is set by others but is only perpetuated or killed by your own free mind.

Depression

The Scientist-Coldplay
Trying to find love after the death of a partner was heartbreaking, nerve-wracking, healing and one of my biggest challenges and biggest dream to ever come true. Beautiful song that describes the complications of human relationships, the beauty of the vulnerable is the sparkle in my eye, never be hardened by your mistakes..
Never Tear Us Apart - Inx s
This Australian song is a classic ode to the loving, loyal being that I am. The amount of trust and honesty that I invest in personal relationships, at time has ended in dissapointment and a massive sense of loss. I'm one of those 'all or nothing' people, I deliver my best and I hope for the same. I never expect it , but I deserve the best so I often get it.
The Day You Went Away - Wendy Matthews *lyrics
When my partner died and I was notified, this song was actually playing through my headphones. It's a hard one to hear again, but a beautiful tribute to the one I love.
Rest In Peace.


Seduction

Put Yourself In My Pace - Kylie Minogue *lyrics
Proudly Australian, this song is so floaty that I find it seduuctive. It describes exactly the feeling of a heart that carries the burden of emotional injustice. How many times have we asked someone - Put yourself in My Place ? Sexy and slow beat. Plus - it's Kylie !!
Songbird - Eva Cassidy (Fleetwood Mac Cover) -*lyrics
The BF's song. Eva!Eva! Definately a well worn track and a true modern love song. Delicate and wispy(like us) but with a beautiful and strong meaning, like my love for him. We slow dance to this..a very special song.
The Flame - Cheap Trick *lyrics
An oldie but a goodie as I love a good eighties hit ! This song gives me goosebumps everytime. Why ? Well, it's so hard to accept sometimes that life can be extinguished. You stumble through the embers and ash, hearts wiggle between your toes..rising from the ashes..is ghost of smoke, memories of the person that you will never hold again.
Never the same, hence The Flame. Survive yourself.



Music is a priceless contribution to my life, it allows me to cry, smile, dance and relish moment upon moment of the rollercoaster that is my life. Quite simply, without it I would be lost, so thank you to the Music Makers.
You never let me down.
HG



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