A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

My Viewpoint.

GUESS WHAT! ( I hate it when people say that and you have no idea)

WE just received another $15 for the design fund ! Keep in mind that your donations will not be cashed until we reach the final goal. All donations appreciated PLUS I will be doing something very special with the links and the campaign itself very soon.
I will find a way to reward every single person that donates to the cause ! I am contemplating a blook drive, maybe every one that donates could receive a signed blook? I will work something out regardless ! No good deed around here will go unnoticed. If you donate then please also send HG an email with your email/website/phone number so you can be personally thanked. Plus I am always up for a personal chat on msn or yahoo and I have been known to jump on cam and prove my existence is real ! Just ask Darling Maggot, Kicking Bitch, Garrison Steele ( ahh a rose between two horns!) I am very real !

Here is a little excerpt of my reply to California Hammond. I have recieved a ton of mail about my decision to withdraw so I thought I would save time and post it here !

I feel better today about my decision to withdraw my standing.

Yeah, I did feel a bit "ooh that's sad" just seeing the whole goal of
seeing Heroinegirl up in *lights* slide down hill is a bitter pill to swallow. But in time that will fade. Probably just ego and I'm fine with admitting that. Heroines need a healthy ego !. I chose it though because I don't need any additional stress at the moment. I honestly don't have the energy to rally everyone to vote and it's always so close between us , it's been that way for week, so I think it is just the same people voting for me and visa versa. Besides we are both totally different - I almost need my own award. The Off The Beaten Track Award or something ! Plus - I don't have sticky posts, so I had to keep mentioning to vote! vote! It just was not keeping with my tradition, I think you should only be able to vote once. IP recorded anything else is pure numbers game and makes it too competitive , almost like a "rally" rather than a true indication of new/existing people inspired. Plus even though it is peer based, I have seen a lot of ugliness inspired by this program, which only inflames our narcisstic urges ( that some people have)

Blogging for me has got to be at a grass roots
level. I know many brilliant awesome writers that were not nominated, so I know I am in fabulous and talented company by remaining true to my original motivations - that is to heal and help others. My blog is young and already enjoying a great read by many beautiful people. Maybe when award time rolls around, the layout is done and I have finished my treatment, I can take a more healthy approach to competition. In reality, this award is not a nobel peace prize!

I am confident that my message will spread minus false pretense of being a ceritfied winner ! The voting is not an indication of my worth ( or my sites !) and until I myself, can fully appreciate this - then that will be my true goal.
Self -acceptance.

Not something I can win by votes.

Here is the new posting featured on BOB site.
I have just requested my name was taken down from the listings.
This way people like Robyn & Sandee will recieve more votes.
California Hammonds is a great site, one which will most
probably win - his fans and my fans already know this !!

  1. A few finalists have requested to drop out. This affects, at most, two categories (Best Mommy Blog and, possibly, Most Inspirational). I will remove them sometime today. If you see that a finalist has mysteriously "disappeared" from a category, this is why.

    No, folks, this isn't the latest season of Survivor - though it may feel like it at times. :-)

    Please note that we will not accept any more drop requests. Dropping a finalist with less than a week left in the voting is not fair to those who have already voted. If you do not wish to continue running in your category, please post a note on your blog to this effect, and encourage your readers to vote for another candidate. We thank you for your understanding.

  2. People have asked about the use of multiple emails to vote, and whether or not this is legal according to the rules. Our stance is that, while we don't encourage it, it is not illegal to use more than one email a day to vote.

    Initially, the Rules page stated that we were tracking IP addresses along with emails, and that anyone voting multiple times from a single computer with multiple emails risked having their votes nullified. Technically, this wasn't very sound - there are too many cases in which we can't verify that we have the IP address of an individual computer, and not the IP address of a proxy server or of an anonymous browsing service such as The Cloak.

    But there was another problem: family members who share a computer. After I published those rules, I received many emails from people afraid that their votes would be tossed out because they, their husband, mother etc. were all using the same computer to vote. So I removed that text from the rules. Unfortunately, I appear to have caused a ton of confusion as a result.

    Using email addresses to establish identity is obviously a kludge. However, since no other great technical solution existed, we went with what we had.

    Next year, we will likely change our entire approach to casting votes, perhaps even moving toward a jury model comprised of other bloggers from the community as opposed to a voting model. For the time being, I urge the remaining finalists - and there are plenty of them, folks! - to keep everything light and fun. Many of you, even those who have dropped, have emailed us privately and thanked us for hosting this competition. We thank you for this outpouring of support, and wish you the best of luck in the final week of voting!

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