A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Forever seems so long

Just a thought...

Remember I mentioned one of my two best friends before (the one who suggested the dips and chips instead of the wine) well now I will tell you about the other one. Since both of these ladies are very wary of the internet , I can't show you their faces and will have to make up some more silly names.
I just know I will get an email saying "Ewww, why did you call me suellen - it makes me sound fat and spoilt like a Nancy Drew girl" - even though our generation doesn't really know who Nancy Drew is.

"Sophia" has been my best friend since primary school and will probably always be my dearest until we grow grey and tired and finally come to rest, clutching each others wrinkles. My lord - I have put this friendship through its paces (she gets cross if I mention it anymore though as she knows that behaviour is behind me and thinks I need to also stop thinking that) this girl has put her career on the line for me, opened her arms to me and defended me ever since that fateful day in primary school in Grade 5 when she asked me " I wonder what those biscuits taste like?" Of course, we all know this is a hint to offer said treat and I am so glad I did, as that was the start to the most fuffilling and beautiful friendships of all time. At the moment, Sophia is overseas - doing what all mid twenties girls should be doing - fluttering around London looking fabulous and planning a raunchy respite from the cold - Spain I believe? Anyhow, it's been hard being apart. As we get older we start to realise that time is much better spent with those that truly accept us and nurture our sense of spirit. Frankly, at 26 I am leaning towards spending more quality time with those I have history with, and making amends with myself. I pride myself on being a wonderful friend and have always placed human relationships high in my achievements. I'm supported and loved by many fabulous and inspiring people, old and new. But tonight , my sophia is hurting, therefore I am.

She's not coping so well in London and I wish I could be there for her like I promised that I could.
Sophia is gorgeous and full of fun and light and the lack of sun and friends is making her a tad bluey. We all knew this was a risk for the self confessed beach bunny but as her girlfriends we also knew that she would never truly be happy until she went to the UK and did her thing.
(pashing lots of lads with cute accents)

In a strange country she has fallen into a run of bad luck and personal emotional trauma that I wish with all my heart that could've be avoided. I won't go into details because it's not my right to but I wanted to explain it's not just a case of "homesickness". Things have just been 'complicated"

I am hoping that it did not pain her to ask me for assistance becuase I know how wonderful it felt to assist her in any way I could. She is a very proud person and has instilled me with so much knowledge on how to be a respectful friend , that the ink did not have time to dry on the cheque.

I am wiring her a substantial amount of my savings, to get her on her feet again and hopefully rekindle the traveller spark that suits my ray of sunshine so well. I trust her completely and the money was in a term deposit , it won't be immediately missed. I say this not to garner praise or even recognition, I share with you it's meaning. You see, she knows the story of my life, most words appear in duplicate a shared history to shape us and guide us to our successes and ease us through our failures. It's never to late to realise you have not been the best friend lately, maybe you have indeed 'let things slide'. That's up to you to ponder, tonight I dedicate this to Sophia.

She will remind all of us that our friends are so special and to never let them go. They will be the last man standing - not you.
Friends forever ? It's something to believe in...

From Sophia tonight....

Now if Spain is good we can each buy a house there with
our respective partners you the writer slash movie script writer!!
And me
the occassional jet off to do a movie. Or maybe just teaching my own
watersports company. And we can go on picknicks in the country side take
our kids swimming and for gelatti life will be great. With a Seista in the
afternoon (did you know they do this!!) and then exotic foods and wine (for
me) for dinner!! Life can be great it's what you make it. Although that
might be boring for you... but would love to grow old together and have
kids near the same time would be fun!! why not.

I can tell you right now that I'm crying...but this was my reply to her ;


This made me cry...you just described my heaven.
I love you and I miss you so much..
I am right beside you honey - you can do this.
Take my strength and do it with no regrets.

Love you and praying for you (just so it all goes fine - which it will)
She says(kinda jokingly) that I never blog about her and that she can't have a place in my movie of this blog (lol we love to fantasise it's a girl thing) unless I write about her.
Little does she this kind-hearted angel know; she will always play the starring role in my life.
(alongside BF who is on a motorbike looking impossibly hot in the opening credits)

Just think, only thirteen months more of treatment and then USA together !
(We are doing a road trip together or backpacking Europe.) I hope I can still blog. That's key.
Yes, the trip will probably be totally unorganised and will most probably become a comedy of errors, no doubt you will be reading along and plotting tacks on a map and scratching your heads as you realise we are heading in the wrong direction - again. Mistakes happen in life but my friends have only made them easier to forgive , not harder. They are good to me.
They are good for me.

To my readers ...

I look forward to sharing the rest of my life with you, on the blog.
It's all about moving forward and rediscovering beauty , all over again.
Every single day for the rest of my beautiful life.


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