A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Five Hours To Go

Warning: This is a health post.

It's five hours until the dentist appointment. I can do this, eek. I am even paying for private care to maximize my distress. As a reward may I ask that you vote for me so I finish on 500 votes. That is all.

Bf is picking me up from home for the dentist so I cannot chicken out. May be a bit too sore to blog tonight and I have medical appointments tomorrow. I will find a way to blog though (funny that!) and let you know that I did not pee my pants on the dentist chair or scream too much. I will survive !

Hopefully I will be back on Interferon on Friday but my specialist is really mad at me since I was supposed to have this tooth out on Monday. I have still been having ribavirin which is hopefully keeping the virus at bay. Apparently abscesses can be deadly or something. So I am digging into my savings as I figure that is what it is for, looking after myself. Because of my lack of white blood cells, it may take three times longer to heal so they are concerned about me having the interferon injections on top. I don't care if I don't get the pen anymore as I am a young healthy female and I don't engage in damaging behaviors for the liver namely drinking and smoking. Sometimes I want to weigh up the side-effects of this treatment (hair thinning, weight loss, dry skin, eye infections, infections, insomnia, brain fog and depression are my current ones) against just trying to manage this illness. I mean what is doing more damage. I know that BF really wants me to keep on going and because my medication is $2000 Au per month , the government is helping me but I only get one attempt. I know I could not afford to do this privately. On some readers advice, I have joined some Hep C forums and also read heaps of handy hints on managing my sides. I know that I am not alone now so thank you for that advice. I am just at one of those medical crossroads. I have spoken to other girls that have been tempted to quit, I don't know if I can convince them to stay.

Today my main goal is to finally get my teeth looked at and fixed. I have already vomited - what a sook ! I'm going to meditate after I publish this and read a nice book quietly.
I can't wait to tell you all that I did it. I'm ready to deal head on with the neglect I have shown my body and the associated feelings of shame and guilt.

Here goes nothing !

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