I have attempted to add Haloscan for your convenience so all the comments have now been archived (hopefully) I am a little bit flat today but I did notice someone nominated me for this
which made me smile this morning, so thank you to that reader. I sometimes refer to Sooky La La and this is my self-concious alter-ego. Most of the time, I am super positive, confident and self assured. However, since writing down my most well concealed memoirs I have opened up a part of me that not only hurts but can only be healed by moving through it. Sometimes, I struggle with this and some people I thought were supporters in turn only come to read about me to feel better about themselves. I find this frustrating. I feel powerless. Today I don't know if I can keep going on - I want to for everyone else that has been so supportive and I love you all dearly. I know I publish on the internet and I should realise that not everyone is a fan. I guess I am going to have to make a few choice moves then.
Normally, I would pick myself and dust myself off (just like I did about being a junkie) but on days like this - it hits me harder than I expected and I just feel like someone is tearing about my soul and everything that I love. It sounds dramatic ( I know) so I am just going to hit publish and let you see how I am feeling. I am sure I am overeacting.
UPDATE !!! I FEEL BETTER AND I WON'T BE SILENCED. IF PEOPLE WANT TO JUDGE, THEN PLEASE DO IT ELSEWHERE. I AM NOT GOING TO SPEND ANY MORE TIME ON THE ISSUE. THANKS XHG
I just need to remember this post that I wrote only recently to you...do you remember this ?
I am standing in the sunlight and my family and fears are all back in this dark cave. It is crowded and hard to breathe inside the cave. He is inside the cave along side the people that tried to hold me down - those who tell you you're not good enough. Yet they need me and they don't know why. But I don't need them.
Eventually, I found my way out of the cave with the amazing love of my friends and partner - so I am now singing to you in a symphony of sunshine, fresh air and hope it is swirling around me - close your eyes and you will feel it.
The people that never understood me, they still beckon me to return to the cave and believe that I never deserve to be happy. But I do. And I am.
I've made it to the sunshine and I am not turning back.
I have people that love me and don't want to hurt me.
I don't need the darkness of the cave to protect me and I don't need to get high to survive the sunshine. I will live how I want, and I do everyday.
I don't even know if 'they' are going to come out to join me and play in the gorgeous sunshine that I share with you now.
But I began my true recovery the day I realised that I didn't have to make them come out When I realised that it was not up to me to save them.
Life is a miracle .
So live it.
From the gutter to the stars..
One truth at a time...Your HG
Thats more fucking like it . Whoo hoo ! I'm back kids ! Fuckem !
Love the spunkiest ex junkie whore in the free world