A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


I just want to be well again, want to open my eyes and not feel everything has become so lurid yet plastic almost in the same instance.
I want be a precious metal and sparkle again, not pounded into the angry dirt, buried by my rage within. I want tears to release me, from behind those faded eyes. I hope for my limbs that will one day reach forward with hope, not hang limp beside me with despondance. I want to rejoice, feel the winds of change upon my face instead of a feeling of hot breath upon my neck. I wish to sleep deeply , lost again in the magic of your lullaby. Instead, I count my blessings as I struggle with myself for one more day. That is all we can do for now, in the downtime of life.

bless babies bottoms
bless the friend who gives you their beachtowel when you forgot yours
bless first kisses
bless giggles and sparklers
bless chocolate (all kinds)
bless kittens and bless puppies too
bless survivors of natural disasters
bless your favorite song
bless tacos with all the fillings
bless holding hands
bless the underdog
bless peace and quiet
bless your wedding
bless your deathbed confession
bless the smell of the air - a minute before it rains
bless having a really good cry
bless winning a debate
bless the birth of your children
bless driving down an open highway with your best friends
bless your grandparents
bless imperfections
bless letting go
bless all of the soliders
bless instant messenger
bless people that wait in the car until your inside and safe
bless the best fireworks that you ever saw
bless my readers
bless survivors of abuse
bless my sexy lingerie
bless compliments and bless those that give them freely
bless a really long stretch and a shared yawn
bless wisdom in the young
bless freshly whipped cream
bless getting the car parked right near the entrance
bless a good haircut and the way it just makes you go "sweet"
bless paris and bless london ( the cities)
bless berets and bless courtseys
bless justice and bless freedom
bless my toned tummy
bless my bubbles in my bath
bless your health
bless your financial security
bless your decisions to try and be your best
bless your sanity
bless your second helping
bless parks and lying under trees
bless clouds and blue skies
bless people who know manners and use them
bless your partner and bless your bullshit won't drive them away
bless your ability to survive
bless the boy who returned my purse, money intact.
bless all of the children
bless self confidence
bless solitude
bless your favorite teacher
bless the rockstars and bless the legends
bless my multiple orgasm
bless pancakes, bacon, eggs
bless mayple syrup licked from my fingers
bless condoms and bless safe sex
bless freddie
bless kurt
bless jim
bless book deals and bless your dreams coming true
bless being honest with your friends
bless them loving you no matter what
bless not forgetting what made you who you are
bless kentucky fried chicken and bless gravy
bless getting the right amount of salt on your popcorn
bless girl's nights out and bless boy's night out too
bless a freshly cleaned bedroom/house/car
bless all the hugs from your children and bless those butterfly kisses
bless being hygenic and always looking neat and tidy
bless getting real letters in the mail
bless even more getting parcels
bless your birthdays and another year of life
bless your home movies
bless removing new shoes after a big night out
bless all of your digital pictures of what makes you - you
bless sweetdreams and bless goodnight
bless travelling and bless your culture and mine too
bless the smell of freshly washed hair
bless lust and bless the feeling of being in love
bless my sensitive nipples
bless kissing at the rollerink
Bless homemade waterslides and sprinklers
bless slumberparties and the person who remembers the joint
bless cheese and biscuits and good conversation
bless punctuation
bless all the bloggers
bless my sight, my hearing and my working limbs
bless cake and icecream on special occasions
bless really good food
bless all my dandelions past
bless your school trophies and bless last place
bless vomiting when your really really fucked off your face
bless not having to clean it up cos you fall straight asleep
bless me that I will always laugh at myself
bless people that can't dance but have fun trying
bless my daddy stops drinking
bless being tipsy
bless the feel of skin when swimming and bless the sounds in my ears
bless my hysterics
bless nuding up
bless finding 20 dollars in my jeans
bless my courage
bless fire drills at work
bless methodone
bless my sister and her new life as an adult
bless internet banking and bless technology
bless my education
bless books, music and bless the artist
bless my old cubbyhouse
bless my memories
bless my strength to overcome the bad ones
bless cartoons
bless back massages and footrubs
bless the library
bless you for dusting the lash from my cheek
bless getting one extra in the vending machine
bless magic tricks
bless perfume and the person it reminds you of
bless my laughing fits
bless slamming doors
bless gentlemen
bless slipping over on stage
bless all of my nerdy friends that are so, so cool.
bless the geeks and bless the freaks
bless style, grace and poise
bless your commitment to love like no other
bless headbanging and bless my sore neck the next day
bless doing some brilliant piece of writing, music or art
bless your special talent , bless mine too
bless your snort laugh
bless accidental farts
bless your privacy
bless photo albums of you in the 1980's
bless sport and keeping active
bless a really nice pair of boobs
bless a nice smile
bless my lovely gazelle legs
bless air conditioning in summer
bless log fires in winter
bless hopping into bed after a really hard day
bless snowflakes
bless rainbows
bless all of the animals
bless even spiders and rabid dogs
bless forgiveness
bless moving on
bless saying yes
bless being able to say no
bless your independence
bless going to a really awesome concert
bless free passes and bless winning prizes
bless winning poker, monopoly or charades
bless just having fun, even if you lose sometimes
bless getting good health results
bless the support of others if you don't
bless courage
bless you
bless me
bless being alive


bless my anti-depressants will keep working until I can do it on my own. until then - i will write this list out somewhere.
bless your support !


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