I have another grading in January. I know. Green tip. I have to learn my new pattern ( 16 step fighting technique) in 2 weeks. Once cramming this knowledge into my gangly limbs I will immediately start the process of erasing the damn thing over xmas and then we when come back to grade on January 16th I will somehow pull a rabbit out of my ass and therefore get awarded my next belt. The next grading after this suprise one is in March. I could maybe pass atm. Otherwise, BF will be a belt higher than me. Yeah, as if that pussy is gonna get one over me. I don't think so Master Baby Powder On Your Bottom - not so tough now huh !
I have to keep at the same level as my BF or be called a tool and worse be continually sweeped out while boiling an egg one day and get a really bad case of burnt off face. So I have to be as good as him - or ideally steam ahead of him. I am happy with either and dreaming about the latter. He is quite good, I suppose. (He reads this you know and if I don't say this *looks around* he will have a little cry) Just joking ( he is watching us riggght now shhh )
So, class in summary - I am still better than him, just as long as you know - ok ?
Memoir to come so don't worry ( not that anyone notices ) But I do ! So I am posting some little housekeeping things here so you have something to read in the meantime.
- Blog News
Yay for bullet points ! I have obliterated the numbered links system. It was gay and not really what Heroinegirl is all about. I wanted to have a way of elevating some great posts to the top of my links but it became almost viewed as a ratings system - which is not right - who the fuck am I to judge you ?! So now everybody is the same ( everyone gets the same macdonald's toy and please don't open it till you get home - I said DON'T) I'm going to have Post of The Day instead.
I do this segeratation thing mainly because I really do admire some people (lol) who publish true brilliance and my links spread the love and sweaty hugs - so more people WILL love blogging and we all have babies. The End. I love to support you as you support me. I just thought of bras - is that normal ?
- I just wish more of you would post pictures of yourself ! If you are ugly and I mean in that " Sweet Jesus, look at the mug on that bashed salmon" kinda way then I feel sorry for you and I understand- but to all the other hornbags out there - Give it A Bone ! I know you are holding back on me. Postmodern - You are ok as in my mind you reign supreme as totally hot " Pulp Fiction Uma Thurman " with bigger boobs and less makeup and I want it to stay that way, if you don't mind. If you are mediocre ( you know , not exactly prom queen or the IT Girl of the 90's ) or a big fat nerd ( hey it's the new black) then as I say "Maybe she's born with it - Bah - Maybe She's Photoshopped? " I know some people who know some people who render/blur/enhance some people.
- I am also having my own awards ( with real GIF prizes - omg) . In light of all the nomination hocus pocus I decided to do my own. It is going to be marvellous and totally tounge in cheek. If I market it right, it may take over my site. Just kidding. ( I hope) I will put them on it's own page as I do think it will be a great traffic generator for everyone involved. Ok. ( Told you I had a lot of catch up to do with you) so these are nomination based and are fun way to give props back to each other. It is about the bloggers. Not what the reader's think. But remember that readers are most probably bloggers , so you are still screwed. It is not "serious" but still " cool". Tony inspired me to have my own awards - after I did not win anything of course. I still cannot win my own competition ( hmm I did not think this one through too well) Meaning it's all about blogging. Everything we love and hate and it will be lot's of fun. I will do up a webpage with all the catergories and will do so later. But for my lovelies here I will give you a sneak peak and the leading edge of some awards. You could already be a winner !
- Fat Dude and Copygodd & Just A Girl & Tony Pierce are up for a weblog award so no double dipping guys ! Just kidding. Vote for Fat Dude cause he is a BIG fan of Heroinegirl and touching himself on the pee pee when drinking custard naked in front of the fridge. I seen it on the webcam ( this is how I know these things people) OK catergories. Copygodd is yet to prove himself to me about how funny he is - Don't worry I sent an email - We wait.
" The 2004 Blogging With Brilliance Awards "
- Best Mispelt Negative Anon Left In Comments We have all had them. Retards. Are you sitting on a uneducated goldmine within the depths of your Haloscan? We all know that the bastards stay anonomous but if you have a name - then fuck it why not add it - It is all about brilliance ! Never has being a toss been this rewarding !
- Most Ridiculous Background 'Music' This was going to be just " Crappiest Design In The Free World" but we at Heroinegirl Headquarters think it is all about content not coding. I mean just look around this place. However, the exception to this rule is the 'music'. Not On ! The doorbell kind of music that blares out Avril if I dare press the next blog button. I don't do it anymore. It has cooties.
- Best Warm Fuzzy Left On Blogger Comments - Awwww. You know the kind. You pour your heart out about how you just got fired, cheated on, killed your parents and these dedicated commenters are there to pick up the slack. Day in , day out they trawl the net leaving kind advice, beautiful compliments and of course a return URL ;)
- Best. Linker. Ever. - Copygodd has a bajillion links. Linking is all about supporting other bloggers , keeping the readers shared as they pass through the wonderland of blogdom. This also includes the manner in which you link - the more creative the better. Linking is a warm fuzzy - you know it. Just do it !
- Best Picture To Accompany A Post - Some people (ok, just me) spend a lot of time doing image search on google or posing in front of endless bathroom cabinets with the flash on (not a photo peoples !) or wrestling with Hello or Flicker (both right little twunts) into the wee hours to find the perfect picture to accompany the post ( which doesn't need to be even that interesting) These carefully chosen pictures make everything purdy for us to go "Wow that looks totally hot." I so want to get naked with this person. Or is that just me? Pictures are a great way to add another dimension to your blog. Naked pictures NOT allowed. Sexy pictures fine ! My email link is to the left. Sweet. Fat Dude and Jason - you so should of come up with this idea.
- Best Self -Depreciating Post I am a big fan of sarcasm. Day in Day out these dudes bust a hump trying to make us laugh at them but with them, doing it at them. You know what I mean. This is for all the funny peoples. You know you are funny - but it's about time you cleared it up with us !
- Hottest Erotic Post /Male /Female Blogger This is just a great excuse to get all the hottest bloggers in the one spot. Plus imagine the reading ! I want the posts that made you actually tingle and feel funny in the pants. If you kept them on? Yes, you can nominate yourself. Before you ask.
- Best Template Change For The Better This one is like most improved but your writing may still be crap ! Win - Win ! If you had a major overhaul and think you look pretty darn good, then you are already in for a chance !
- Most 'Traffic Obsessed' Blogger Is this you ? Do have no less than four counters ? Do you stage massive guerilla commenting feats ? Is your first unborn son promised to Blog Explosion ? Do you call your friends - unique visitors ? Do you dream of getting the big linkers to link you ? Winner !
- Most Comments In One Day This one is fucking obvious. It can include talking between you and someone else. No commenting just to yourself. That is wierd and no one should do that ( except me)
- The Quasi Celebrity Award Oh goodness. This one will be contested by Jason Mulgrave as his email signature is Quasi Celebrity. You might even read him - seeing he is a quasimodo. Who else is in the running with the bloggerati?
- Better Things than Blogging - Have you released a book, got a movie, got laid by Paris Hilton, have you got one single lousy thing from blogging ? Maybe you left blogging to become a dutch princess. You will only win if you can prove the fruits of your labour. Merchandise can also be included as well !
- The Conspiracy Theory Award 2004 This is in honour of Belle De Jour -God Bless her little secretive socks. Who do you think is a big ole fake? We all have some conspiracy theories - tell me your best one - and if we think it could be true and or we think it is like totally the most made up shit ever - you will win. If not, you don't know anything about the secret blogging world and you NEED to come back and read the nominees and get yourself a clue - pronto !
- The I Touch Myself Award - Boys, don't reach for the handlotion just yet - this is for bloggers that lay it all out on the line. They share the deepest and darkest parts of themselves and invite us into their lives. This is for a specific post entry. Most touching confessional.
Email email@example.com - all entries & submissions will remain private and entries close on the 17th December 2004 , whenever I go to bed. Judges decision is final ( that's all of us) and Winners Get To Be The Best and Get A GIF trophy and some great Coverage - I'm getting the Bloggerati on the Case ! You can also leave names in the comments. Tell your friends and get them to tell more friends ( not that they have more friends than you..I'm just saying )
Anyways all I am hearing from my mouth is - blah blah blah - I'm a dirty blogger.
"Nominate now and validate your blogging existence"
[Remember The Unoffical Blogger Code of Blogging. It is not who you know but who you can talk about - that you know - that counts ! ]
Having this weekend off so please nominate with the URL in the comments.
Thanks Guys !