Ahh I am finally rested enough to pen a post for the 'bloggaratti' , refresh button lament no more.
Firstly. Must have a sooky la la moment. A sassy yet highly agressive brown belt whipped my bony ass tonight. Not only is my pride wounded (as she is the size of half an olsen twin) but fights like a minx and I think she sprained my butt, if that is possible. Despite what onlookers may say (or plead with me to see reason) she clearly reveled in my fledging incompetence as a jerk/whitebelt, at times openly sweeping me to the floor, I guess cos she "can". Slurry!
Man, I just want to learn how to crack a can of whoop ass on her as fast as possible. This girl is like so hot, she is tiny in a early 'buffy as a teen before angel deflowered her" and she is killer. She says a meek 'sorry' for a backfist to the head then in the same moment it takes me to moan - and I mean moan - "No Worries Matey" she sideswipes my smiling wave to kick me in the stomach for instance. This is not cool. Of course afterwards, she smiles sweetly and says awesome to her other friend, who has red hair so that doesn't count.
She will never mock me.
As Elle Driver says in Kill Bill One..
"If you ever take your ass out of this goddamn bed for as long as you f**kin live, I will beat it into the ground, bitch!
(But she has an eyepatch in the movie so it actually is alot more "for real")
You know stuff self defense. This is war!
Wax On ...Wax Off ! My lily white ass ! I am stained with the shame of defeat! In fact,
The Hot Teen Assasin was inciting huge rage inside me with "innocous" coaching (pah) like "Comon is that all you have, your only doing one thing " I think at one stage I was pretending that I was crying and spewing blood but she would just roll her eyes and nail me , and I would be moaning and looking retarded and everyone just ignores me.
I mean I could have been spewing blood peoples ? Hel-loo.
The retardness, I am hoping, will fade away in time, to be superseded by panther-like moves and precise technique. Hey, a girl can dream.
To add further humilation to the farce that is me as a "killing machine" , not only did I realise that "No suckface, I can't do 20 pushups like I thought, ( I can do ten really bad , back bendy , bum pointed out ones) but ALSO I managed to continously flash everyone in my class (including the incredibly spunky and lustful Regional Instructor) my insanely padded "teen miracle' bra last week and it was like an 'extreme bra', so now I am like stick insect who wears shoulder pads down her top. Of course, I did not notice that said breast was thrust out in all it's lace clad glory until the last few minutes of the lesson. After I had made a right "boob" of myself . Ha. That one was for the cheap seats in the back ;)
Sometimes, when I am training I think about the bonuses of what I am doing ( when I am not panting for water like a porn star ) I think everyone should do some kind of self defense. I won't sell you on it - you either have thought about it or you haven't. But for the Have's - go and do a free lesson. You may just pick up one thing that seriously - will save your life. I have a few "swiftys" I can do know, and yeah I feel pretty fucking awesome about it.
But yeah revenge is a dish best served cold, so I bided my time - waiting until the free sparring at the delicious peak of the class ( the end ) , where I promptly made Miss Powderpuff Girl #2 bleed. Yeah - bleed ok? Like..totally ! But to be fair ( it is not entirely like that cool) , it was my festy toenail that scratched her - my unkemptness finally coming through for me ( maybe my unplucked eyebrows could do the same) - and yes as gross as it is -I drew blood. Then I danced around and laughed on the inside. I told you I was a Killing Machine. In my skanky defense of my toenails, I clipped my toenails tonight ( ok the BF did it as he gets shredded all the time and was over it ) but it was already written by the God's that she was going down. * does a little awesome punch at the screen*
Like Bam ! * does it again* You better be scared.
I hope she doesn't read this - if so - You are so right and I am so weak and you are just awesome at fighting.
And hey - You're Fit - But You Know It.