A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Reality Bytes

"You're fired!" I have been very busy being a socialite this week , mucho apolgetica.
The Apprentice series 2 has started. I find this show hi-hi-larious. I absolutely adore reality televison by the way. Except survivor - that is so five years ago!! I love Australian Idol and American Idol and The Apprentice and Average Joe and Big Fat & Farting Ugly People..
Ok one of those is still "in the works".

I adore television as a relaxant, I mostly watch HBO programs, which we call Channel 9 - Yes we are very simple. We have channel 10 ( The OC and all those crime shows) Channel 7 (the wanna be top network) Channel 2 or ABC (government channel) and the aforementioned channel nine. That is free to air t.v. I have cable at home - called Foxtel - although I have the "sadass" package ( you know the one with all the good channels replace with gainy static stuff and a big mocking sign that basically reads, "Hey Cheapass, spend a further ten bucks and you could be watching Bam on MTV - Sweet - O but not for you - Tightcheeks".
But this may be changing, I may be upgrading in time for summer. If I am a good girl.
Yeah right.

Had a breakdown at work today, after I had a major depressive episode that can be easily decribed as self pity at being a corporate sellout. It wasn't fun. But hey I survived to Blog about it. That's the main thing - it's all "material".. Blegh. This is what I mean. So flat today !
I went to a premiere of Collateral last night and I think it made my 'fuck you I wont do what you tell me - Rage Against The Machine Attitude flare up again.
I ended up telling the boss how much I hated being in that burbur brown office and we had a great talk - I will definately blog a much more heartfelt piece about everything we worked through and some big things I have sorted out in my mind.

It was a hairy morning, so to speak, as I just felt like I was being a whore still, just getting less money and with a side serve of utter frustration. So I blubbered to the female boss about how much basically I was not happy and why in excruciating detail (quite embarrassing but hey I am a sensitive soul and this medication gives makes me emotionally slutty) It seems to me that at the moment I just have no control over myself especially in the tears or mood swings arena. This ####'n medication makes me feel so tired and shitty somedays I want to give it up and just hope and pray that my body will fix itself, but I know it won't . I have been told it won't. It is six months of my life that I will be pycho bitchface who has heart of stone. The BF looks more tired than me though. Eek.

Nup, I have to keep taking these drugs as that is all that is on offer for me (at the moment) I know it could be worse. I still wish that personally, I could handle this a tad better. Ok a lot better.

So I know that I haven't done any memoir this week as it has just been too frenetic but I am trying to get some sleep in. A girl needs her beauty sleep. But I still love you and I have a good memoir planned for the weekend. Something Old and Something New. Maybe even a guest is coming soon.
Who would you like to hear from ?
( Apart from me, you are all so lovely!)