A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Jane Says

Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. I sound pessimistic but it is true.

Everything seems to be so hard in the dating game thesedays. I'm not talking about the bazillions of girls and boys ( and all other mutations) looking for casual sex , extra marital affairs, fetish finding and all and sundry - I actually do mean those 'purists' (People that just have shit luck at getting laid/getting romance/getting friends and make you think - oh ffs can you please stop trying so fucking hard and chill out!) As antiquated as it is sounds, I actually know that some "dreamseekers" persue genuine relationships out there in the 'cyberspace badlands'.

The chatrooms are being invaded ! No longer the safe realm of 'counter strike' black t-shirt wearing , burrito spilling , slash dot.com worshippers - my beloved internet is not just for dorks anymore. Move over and let the popular people online to share an already morally "crowded" place - the same losers in highschool that made life hell - so much you couldn't wait to leave school so they could dissolve into reality , complete with the drink -driving charge, junk habit or eating disorder conclusion. The formula for the ideal romantic hero has become imprecise. Anybody can be a somebody , online.

I think that is why I don't bother anymore with chat rooms any more ( apart from Bill Gates got jack of it as well) and choose to talk to myself , not entirely healthy I admit, but a whimsical journey all the same. The internet used to be for nerds, not the pimping ground for peodophiles, who has somehow made a leacherous journey through our firewire and into our homes.

Doesn't someone have a toilet to hang around, a shopping mall to loiter in ? I am still trying to BRB to death a wierd 'friend' that found myself on schoolfriends.com. Suddenly , he is like always on my IM - I talk to him more than my Dad and this is the way of the future ? Yeah , but I'm addicted to it.

I am floundering in my overly complicated explanations to my single, female and keen ( read: desperate) friend (read : lamb to the slaughter) the definitive art of online dating. Not that I am an expert - I just cannot bare to see her give away her body and mind so friviously not to mention for free ! Does everyone use protection, even if you have been chatting for several months, or in this case, several hours?

So I try to be a good heroinegirl and shed light on the pasha of the guy that goes into chatrooms. She has barely unwrapped the bubble wrap off her new PC ,the modem hasn't even heated up - yet she already has lurid visions of being able to find 'Mr Right' whilst sitting at home in tracksuit pants, with greasy hair and Cheeto encrusted teeth. Yes that is what we do. We sit in our knickers and read our mail, deleting about 50% of them. Then, we wait and bide some time - answering yesterday's email - before replying ( hopefully no girl is emailing immediately back - if they read the rules, which I may add was a half baked theory conjured up by two rather bored married women who wanted to guilt single people of fucking - and enjoying it) The average guy responding to my friend's discreet -albeit slightly ordinary profile is- slightly average looking, fairly educated, working class and sprouting body hair in slight abundance. A man who claims he is 25 but he is really 30 'ish'. It's an "old photo".

Normally divorced and normally "doesn't see the kids". I am told this is completely normal, these guys even email the really hot ones. There is no social class, it seems online.

I veto quite a lot of the profiles she sends me to 'go over' .This serious task normally entails getting rampantly drunk on red wine and creating an education of sorts on the codes and ethics entailed. To sort through the smoothtalkers, is a tireless and thankless task, these cyber chamelon's hide behind their profile (taken straight from the back of a harlequin novel)yet with a tad more probing, or perhaps promising some quick sex, this artificial persona soon slips away to reveal that aforementioned "Romeo" is a cuddly truckdriver with tufts of ear hair and a gut splattered with aerosol cheese after missing his mouth, covered with six chins. Moreover, if they are not the latter they tend to be Child maintence payin, sex addicted/commitment shirking, more baggage than Heathrow's arrival lounge lost souls whom consequently translate to the latest reason that many of my single girlfriends are reaching for the jumbo jelly-rolls and stuffing them with Xanax.

I can't help but wonder - is it just too crowded in cyberspace to stand out in a crowd?

I mean one girl ( I won't name but she has probably emailed you anyway for your asl - dumb fucking term if I ever heard one) has had no less than 14 unsuccessful dates/relationships procured online in the last two months. She is not retarded and she does not mention babies , marriage or STD's on the first date. She is blonde. She does have children, but so what right? Anyhow she is saying now, that she doesn't want to sort through any more potentials as she is getting a reputation as a slut. Yet, the guys all still call for sex and get it. I am sure that some clients of mine, would easily be trolling the net for some free booty on the off pay week - if this is indicative of the level of effort required to get a lay.
I wonder.. Is this a the easiest way to sell yourself and get shortchanged?

I confess to you now ( seeing that it is just you and I ) to being a little bit of a harlot in the boom that was the "msn chatroom" of 2002 - but I did manage to find my current beau there and I only had to sleep with and get burnt by 2 losers , whom I might gleefully add , have since tried to come groveling back. But the amount of sex offered and declined was phenomenal. Cyber this , Cyber that. Then phonecalls and more phone cybering. I'm sorry to anyone that I made suffer throughout my very inept cybering phase of 2002 .

Most of them got what they wanted and left , such is life ! It doesn't perturb me that much, even if we never spoke again, I will always think of them fondly - as an asshole.



Anonymous said...

this is really cool.... spectacular collage... - Cerridwen

darling maggot said...

mmmm...xanax. yummy.

yes i think it's far too crowded in cyberspace to stand out at all. i've had problems, too, and even just a simple hook up is unnecessarily complicated by competition with fakers, for fakers. you go through an inhuman amount of junk before you meet someone cool--even as just a friend.

i met k in 1997 on an aol chatroom, in a day and age when america online was dial-up, pay-by-the-hour, and nobody thought to ask for pics because this was a day and age you could take for granted that if someone said they were 5'6 and 115lbs, they were 5'6 and 115lbs.

and female.

we've met other lovers through online means. but i think it's easier when you have a common motive and connect under that context (attractive female looking for another attractive female) and safeguards to verify authenticity.

you can get a tremendous amount of sex from online, though, if you're not picky. i somehow get the impression that many if not most people aren't. and i think meeting online is easier for people who have problems with face-to-face introductions in public places.

Eddie said...

I could never imagine meeting somebody online. Maybe it's because i'm 16, or because i'm from new york city, but it seems like the most superficial thing to do. I mean, not only is it relatively the most dangerous thing to do next to fucking without a condom, but how could you ever grasp a person just by reading what they write in their efforts to fuck you! It's such a more revealing thing when it's in person. Anyway, I prefer going to parties, meeting a girl when both of you aren't nearly close to the legal BAC levels and you stand up albeit in a suave manner, albeir drunkenly and take her to the room that isn't being used yet. And that was that.

HeroineGirl said...

Thanks for the comments guys, I love a good chatter.
When I was sixteen , it was go to the nearest park, get drunk on the cheapest booze possible and get fingerblasted by cute boys.. And we were not even in the slut group, that would do all of the above plus sniff glue and suck off someones older brother.
Lap it up Eddie,

HeroineGirl said...

P.s If you only find girls from the slut group I mentioned - then feel free to point them in my direction - I am mature and know how to handle these wild women, something I don't recomend until you have at least woke up in a pool of your own vomit, with one eyebrow shaved , ass up in the front yard.
Reality Rocks.

Cerridwen said...

hope this post wake up some of the naives out there...been there and done that....i'm better off blogging and reading creative and awesome blogs...

good post HG!

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