A Note From The Writer



Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Full Circle

Pride and Prejudice

Original artwork by Mark Ryden. Images altered for personal and non-profit fan art.


*This post is not a memoir, it is what happened yesterday. I commented on the post before this one about what happened this weekend. I have basically lost access to seeing my partner's child due to my past and the risk to the children. I appreciate you asking the references , but no this is new pain in my life that I am trying to understand. Such is life.


I don't want you breathing on them.
I don't want your past around them.
I don't want them in danger.

She says it like nothing.. Almost with relish.

I don't care if you survived she said..
I only fear what you have been through..
Do you not have the pride that I do?
Or just the prejudice..

Today I made a hard decision to walk away from a very special person.
I am cut. I am bleeding. I am raw.
If this is as good as it gets, if I continue to be persecuted for what I did rather than who I am, then tonight I would rather be alone.

When she is older, I hope she understands.
That I would never put her in danger.
What is in my past - is indeed a memoir, something to share for good.
Not to trap into the darkness.

Sweet little girl, you deserve so much better. I am sorry your mummy won't understand that it is ok to be healing , it is ok to have a past..
Maybe when you are older , I can explain.
For now, play in the playground

I let go of your hand....now.

Love,
Heroinegirl

*Imagery is fan art by HG co/Mark Ryden.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am a faithfull reader of HG, and this post disturbes me cause I can't place it... Can you please elaborate...I am the one who as cried at some of your post's. BTW, I have been trying to place myself in the map, but! So do me a favor sign me up as name:"Rui Pedro", Location Lisbon, Portugal, mail:"rcjpedro@yahoo.com" - spare me spam, no webpage. Comments: "Love ya, HG!"

Anonymous said...

I am now on the map "Love ya, HG!"

HeroineGirl said...

This post is not a memoir, it is what happened yesterday. I commented on the post before this one about what happened this weekend. I have basically lost access to seeing my partner's child due to my past and the risk to the children. I appreciate you asking the references, and keep on reading :)
I hope you don't cry all the time, you seem like a wonderful person :)

Flowers and hearts,
HG

Kim said...

HG, be aware that the ex's actions may be as much an attack on your partner as a fear that your past will some how result in a danger to her children. I know that sounds petty, but...

The ex sounds like quite a bitch. You are much better than she.

Kim

Rich Rosenthal II said...

I like the new art banners.

Terrible for a child to be in the middle of that with the love and anger form all sides.

HeroineGirl said...

Yeah I know.
Thanks guys.
I didn't think I had anyone to talk to.
I miss her so much, my head hurts.