A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

She Will Be Loved

Today was a wonderful day. Unexpectedly delightful. The Best Kind.

It started with a wonderful train journey, I believe I was listening to "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon Five - our current number one in Australia. I love simple moments ,when for a split second , everything is roses and you don't know exactly why or how - but the moment chooses you for that delicious upswing of emotion and plonks you in the midst of something very special.
I call it Life.

I know sometimes we speak of dark times, but don't forget I am never alone - I always have myself and I am always listening to myself, embracing myself and loving myself. I am blessed with a abundant superpower to turn some really horrible memories into the most empowering force -to not just keep "going on". Screw that I'm going to tapdance all the way , not always looking back to those times , but never focussed entirely on moving forward that I forget where I came from.

You have become a part of that now. Part of something really cool that is helping people.
The emails are really heartwarming and I am so flattered by all the great words and genuine compassion. You make me feel hope, and that is a good thing !
Thank you for reading. You make me stronger. Everyday.
You are all my heroes & heroines.

Sometimes I am just so grateful to be here on this train , going to work and being a part of life, the music sweeps me up in some glorious high and I am beaming happiness to anyone that is around me. I feel the love for my boyfriend, the love for my girlfriends, the love of life and just how it all turned around. Dancing in the first rains of summer - Naked. Eating a whole packet of your favorite chocolate biscuits. Giving and getting fantastic head. Your favorite lunch on your favorite day with your favorite friend. I feel like I'm winning. Dancing to a song you always wanted to hear loud and letting it all go. Laughing fits. Looking healthiest you have in years. Feeling a part of things. Surviving. Winning. Playing the heroine for someone else , other than yourself. Sharing a story and touching someone you don't know - but you do.

Life...kinda likes me and it feels so beautiful and right, it is so clean and so promising - I just start dancing on the way to work, the daily commuters beep along and smile - they can't hear my music but I can. ( That is what matters the most)
Yet if they close thier eyes for one precious moment, you can be right there alongside, then they feel the music in my laugh , get the smile in my eyes, get the dance with each confident step I take forward. I love every moment I am alive. Because I am alive. Because... I am me.

And yeah, even when it seems everyone is out to get you ( some people are but that is truly their problem , not yours) so just turn up the music and always put your best foot forward.
I am right beside you.




Biek said...

When life's described like that you almost make me like it too ;-) It's nice imagining being on the train called life (the LifeLine, how's that) together. Feels strong, nearly invincible.

Tiff said...

You put a smile on my face :)

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