A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

It's All Just A Case Of History Repeating


I simply adore this Shirley Bassey song with Propellerheads. I think it is called " It's All Just A Case Of History Repeating?" Yes, that is it. Dee-vine. Morning Lovelies ;)

Good music makes me want to smoke fancy cigarettes and wear vintage Chanel. On a related tangent -I've decided to name my firstborn girl either Chanel or Paris. Now I just need to grow up.
Oh and just to clarify - Not after the hiltons - after the love affair.
What about boys names? Hmm. I'd rather be a mummy to a girl.
Hudson - is that too "boxer"? Oh ok I have it. Harvey :) Toooo cute.

I love quiet nights with some trip hop music or "soulful melody" and a nice glass of full bodied red. That's when I can drink. Rare. I revel in the manner, muted candlelight plays upon naked skin. OoOoer. Dandy.

The BF read some of the blog tonight. I am 100% sure he is 100% shocked.
Especially about the escort parts , that went down like a virtual doll orifice.
Read : sucked bad

The times I got naked were not always bad times.
Presently - well it just keeps getting better.


Titillating. The word just makes me giggle. Some as tit-bird. ( random )

Not one to embellish, I am rather lithe on the dancefloor and I love to vamp it up on stage. Showpony fodder for the masses. That means to some I am gorgeous /flatchested/heroinechic/ordinary.
To be bluntly honest, I have only, just now at mid twenties, come to womanly fruition, I guess a delayed reaction to the drugs and entertaining more "unseemly" habits. But one thing I love to do is dance. When I dance ( and that is often) I become the conduit of sound, effortlessly moving to the rythym. I have no idea from whom or where this magical gift was kindly bestowed, I like to think maybe the music was born into my being, that together soul to soul they play.
When I alight the dancefloor , I can feel people watch me and wonder how I make dancing on a crowded nightclub floor so effortlessly cool. That sounded pretentious, and rightly so but sometimes as I said I don't know where this gift of rythym comes from. Choregraphed moves - Im all gazelle limbs and frutibowl feet ( fruitbowl feet would be like dancing inside a fruitbowl - you get the idea )

I mean , I actually get people coming up and saying they just want to say "That I am the best dancer in the place" But hang on a second - normally that can be deciephered also as " Let me buy you a drink and then you should fuck my brains out baby".
Pass. I'm definately not a subscriber to The One Night Stand. This is not a moral choice.
Pure economics.
That's like a charity fuck and what for - so I can feel a fleeting moment of lust, or some hunted prize that women seek - intimacy. Those morning afters, man all I want to get intimate with is (a) a damn good coffee and (b) my toothbrush - in that order. The amount of confidence I have is a little bit embarrassing, I guess I can only blame one thing. Contrary to popular belief WG have no self respect - it's kinda hard to feel shortchanged when you know your worth in real life dollars and cents and suddenly giving away sex for a drunken mismatch doesn't seem like the best thing to boost your spirits. It's not that we feel better than you. It's just we got better people to do.

The art of striptease is no easy feat. You have timing issues, choregraphy and accountancy issues to deal with. I did it for a short while and got bored. Trying to take my clothes off in time to the music and all the while "work the room" - interupted my dancing.
That was one thing I wasn't going to share.

So I left the stage after a short stint at striptease. However I did learn the basics and I made it personal.
Striptease for personal enjoyment is a great tool in awakening your sexuality to a whole new level. I remastered my sexual confidence which, had sadly recieved some hard knocks from the childhood abuse. I do not suggest that stripping will help an abuse victim. I'm talking about survivors of abuse that are looking to rebirth the sexuality and know displays of sexuality is liberating and highly natural - it is not dirty or inappropriate.

Like this

(nb: these are not instructions for anyone to do, just writing down the tricks)

Start by choosing a room where you will feel at ease and choose a time you wont be interupted by kids or animals. Lol, a dog licking your toes whislt straddling is not cool.

Set your mate on a stool or a chair with thier back to your entrance. Do not set mate on a sofa where they will get lost in the furniture. Make sure your mark is sitting in a place where you can get to them. Start the music (your choice of whatever gets you in the right mood!). Come up from behind them and put your hands on thier back or touch them in some way that you like to touch your delectable delight. A little bit of nerves is cute. If you look like a deer in the headlights, don't worry you cannot turn back now, so persist. Spirit.

Now that you have your subject's attention, stand still and stop "dancing". If you think you suck baboon at dancing , just roll your head and hips in time to the music, and dance with your smile and your eyes. Hypnotic variety here.

Move from the middle of your body and stand in one place. Never mind your feet or moving "flawlessly". Move with your feet in a comfortable position. Start movements like a wave....waves coming out from your body, starting at your hips...waves emanating from your center, keeping your feet still. Stay really close to your mate, about arm length. Loads of sexy and shameless eye contact and facial expression are very important. If you feel sexy , I'm 100% sure you are then.

Get really close. Don't stand back and make it a performance. Make it interactive and have your mate be part of it. A performance in the house is not the same as a performance in public. There is no real need to perform. Lots of grinding here and not enough can be said about our friends ...the trailing hands.

It is not a production. It is an intimate time with your sexuality and your lucky particpant. Touch them, look at them and talk to them. Let your subject - participate.

Let them undo the buttons (yes, button clothing works really well as cliche as it sounds !). Let him/her slide your shirt off. Let your salacious hobby hold on to the articles of clothing and then pull them off! Its a nice idea to have some very nice smalls on. I'm thinking Love Kylie or Agent Provocateur . For men some jockettes are nice. I just dont know about thongs on men but I can be swayed if you email me a nice picture and I will assess independently.
Oodles can be said for a cut of underwearthat fits your body best, be it a g - string ( thong) or maybe cottontails (full briefs) It doesn't have to be tacky - as long as you feel comfortable and it isn't the same price as small car. Flatter. Dress for who you want to be , not what you feel you are.
I think sexuality and the tenderness of your partner is a sacred gift. I speak from the heart as sometimes people discount escorts as having normal sexual misadventures and needs.
We do not claim to be experts , we just get paid more than most to do the things people want. The amount of times an appointment has dissapated into a counselling session on the finer points of harvesting a healthy and mutually satisfying sex life - at home. Seems callous, the whore advising the man on how to do this at home, one could say it was self sabotage. But to me, we are all just people with needs and wants. Who I am I to judge the people who need to be wanted or want to be needed ? Some people, just will always want for one hour or two, what they can't have , for whatever reasons they might be. Then they leave until next time. There is always a next time - I believe from what I have seen.

To my new friends , be safe and be wise.

She will feel in her heart this place where she hides her wisdom and hopes. This path of will is not an easy street as her foes will label but a path of self discovery paved with danger and unforgiving revelation. Should you falter in the arms of unknown and be within a human caress of losing who you are - then fear not - know I am waiting like a tiger in the trees, now ready to leap out and cut her spirit loose. Losing to a man who pays but makes you feel poor does not matter. It is you who will be found--and cherished.

Dedicated to the working girls , may you always be safe and cherised.




Dacia said...

I plucked a piece from your post (the bit about one night stands) and wrote about it in Waking Vixen. You keep writing, I'll keep reading, cuz you're really rockin' it!

HeroineGirl said...

That is fine bella beautiful !

I have since edited that post to try and make the structure more cogent. As most people will be aware ( but have kindly overlooked) I am the worst at punctuation and my spelling sometimes , can be lacklustre *blushes wildly*

I am confident though, that with constant writing and reading and studying - I will master the eats, shoots and leaves ( see that is still wrong isn't it)

Serenity Now!

Thanks girl for the compliment X Mucho Thanxo

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