A Note From The Writer



Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Desired Constellation

Update for the Uplate*

Ooh I just watched Gothika and *drumroll* Kill Bill 2*taa daa* Of course, I had already seen KB2 ( on opening night) but now I can watch ( read: practise the exploding heart technique) in the luxury of my own flat , which I am still wanting to leave by the way , if you read earlier.
I also watched Australian Idol and made up somewhat with the BF. I suspect I am still on probabtion though , goodness I was so moody today. I know its bad when I got to a park for a calm down picnic and I end up pacing the entire 1Km oval in a powerwalk , just so I dont have to talk to the person I came with. Is that not the definition of anti-social. But I feel better now.
It is a hormonal thing and now all you sods know the date.
We have just moved up a level.
Now go to bed - one more word and the little kid gets it.

I am so cranky today. Not only do I have chronic , hatred spitting pms with a side of mood swings to go - I am also suffering side effects of some rather nasty medication.
My head won't stop being pedantically hostile and I am thinking that I should be thrown of a very large cliff, until I get over myself. I am very angry and very frustrated all of a sudden.
Why? Let me start ..
I want to live in a more modern house than the circa 1950's flat I live in now.
I know the rent is cheap and I am saving money - but I don't have any cooling or heating , any bath ( a travesty for me) and i have two faucets one in the bathroom , so I can't just wash my face and hands with warm water , unless i have a plug to mix the water in the sink -right? I get freezing cold or scalding hot to wash my face with, or my feet after being in my joggers.
So I just burnt myself again on the foot.

I'm not talking to BF cos I am a cow, but he is also being a bastard. You know when guys try to fix things that are upsetting but they fail to acknowledge that you are indeed feeling depressed/lousy/mean/unreasonable/tired. Listen up men in the house - I am going to let you into a major secret to understanding, read : pleasing women. I will dispense this wisdom - Now.

Men, if you just say - I understand how you feel - that must be terrible and then before suggest a solution , let her speak and then listen - you will almost half solve the problem. I think it is great men are fixers and when the toilet clogs up I appreciate it even more, and men/males are very rational and caring as well. (I am not a man hater) But just don't always try to fix things before you know whats truly wrong - us women we say one thing , but honestly at the bottom of it all, it's probably something completely different.
How will you ever know if you don't just listen and sook me ? LOL

Mind you I have met some men who sympathise and empathise, so I don't want to generalize.
Every person is different. I am only bitching about my BF. I think also the silent treatment should be banned in all seven states of australia. Especially IF you are in the wrong, that's just pure sulking in my little mean squinty eyes of discernment.
Bring on the blackbelt, I say, so I can open a can of whoop ass on you.
Yeah your frightened now, yeah. * pretends computer is BF*
Oh dear I think he just saw me , practising my speech of indignation.
Foiled again.

Heroinegirl is going to have an afternoon nap.
Maybe I will wake up minus the wart on my nose.
(p.s I don't have anything like a wart on my face, not that there is anything wrong with that)

Back later.

"Whoop Assedly Yours"
HG




1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot!
»