A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Special Moments

Well the hangover has faded gradually much like the musk sunset outside the window.
The first hint of Spring is present , lacing the air with a hint of warmth and blossom.

Poignant Moments Since Being Clean

Taking my father to the football on Father's Day and his team winning by a point in the final thirty seconds. Feeling his wool jumper pressed into my cheek as we hugged at the same time.
Knowing that he is my dad. I still have one parent. I love you dad. X

Suprising StepMother with a house visit as we live (convienently) about a hours drive away.
Turns out , we suprised her and she was in the laundry sobbing after My Father left her. Crouched like a baby, howling and desperately sad.
He came back. I realised how fucked up parents are.

Ringing Close Friend and asking her to borrow her suit as I did not have any corporate clothes.
Knowing in the past that I had borrowed her shoes and trashed them, I felt awkward to say the least. As only real friends know, she did not hesitate. She would only give me her finest suit.
I remember she hung it in a private place so I could finger the fine fabric and take in the symbolic suit. With the suit was the trust in me that I could achieve anything I wanted to do, and my friends would be there in one way or another.

I got the job.

On detox with The BF , after days of endless sweats and pains and mood swings that I will never ever forget. Sweaty days of delirium and endless fear. I was sitting on the back steps and I knew , I just knew that I wasn't ever going to inject myself again.
I tipped the methodone bottle down the toilet .
That's how I knew. It was over.

Being on the dancefloor and looking down at my $250 dollar jeans , fancy shoes and much lusted coutre fashion then looking over to my best friends champagne toasting my six month anniversary. They are the million dollar girls.

Meeting the BF online.... asl ? and the rest is history
I love you with all of my heart , everyday you make me laugh and everytime you touch me I feel like I'm in love for the first time I ever saw you. I love how we are so competitive only because we know we have met our match. I love your romance. I love your caresses. I love your girlyness. I love your strength. You don't know it, but everyday I'm in the shower I pinch myself and grin like a dumb fool - you introduced me to not only your magic self - but love itself.

I have many more moments, but I am tired after a great night out with Little Sis.
Last night was just amazing. We are similar in ways that break my heart. We drink the same drinks and smirnoff black ice with a dash of lime , we dance the same moves ( although she does conceed I am the better dancer) We can be across a crowded room and just catch each other looking at each other. Like I found you. And we have again.

I drink in her youth and smile and savour it.
She told me last night , she is glad to have her sister back.
So am I.

Sleep well my lovelies

p.s link to this site if you are reading the more HG supporters the better !


Biek said...

Hi HG, nice to read you had such a great time with your sister. I could (or should?) have thought of making a link to your site on my own, but since I didn't: thanks for the hint, and your link is up there now. Top position even! I hope it gets you more readers and nice feedback, all though my site isn't visited as much as say ... Google? ;-)

Biek said...

Btw HG, does your email work?