A Note From The Writer

Welcome to the archived blog posts (when I was a wee blogger, wet behind the ears and not aware of spell check and various other gramatical structures!) I have kept the writings unedited or reworked as I am in the process of doing a massive rewrite of my entire life, many posts I have yet to publish and this blog was merely writing practise for the massive job of sorting out my emotions whilst retelling the story as cuttingly real and dramatic as the real memory was.. some of the posts contained are raw, streaming emotion.. many posts although painful to write, had a tremendously cathartic effect - cheaper than therapy one would say. I welcome new and old readers to keep in touch via my author email (sensualexplorersatHotmaildotcom) if you have any questions or wish to share the feelings and emotions raised by my work.
I will announce the publish date and title whenever it happens and I have been clean now for three years. It is possible.
But it is never easy. It's a lifelong journey, I will always be an addict, but I must stay one step ahead of myself and protect all that can be ruined in the eternal struggle to be
at ease once again, comfortable in this skin.
Thank you for being a part of my story.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Cherry Popper

Finally I have arrived - and I have NO idea what I'm doing !
The whole blogaramarama trend is supposedly dead.
That's ok - I'm the quintessential late bloomer.

Perhaps this disclaimer should have been the first thing I wrote ( to cover myself)

I mean to be fair, I'm quite articulate and bluntly honest and known to be quite the entertainer.
I just dont want to come off concieted or self absorbed - and most of all I want to be brilliant.
My spelling is mediocre and my punctuation utterly dissapointing. But I will try, just not too hard as that is quite ordinary.

But first things first.

For my role as Heroinegirl ( spelling is deliberate) that is all you will know about me, the blogger. It is my story that is of meaning , not my petty particulares'.
I just made that word up.

I know I will get mixed feedback, but I look forward to it all. You can do comments or email

Yippee ! My first link..I'm well on my way to bloggdom!

First things ..Im female and fully functioning. I'm also mid twenties. Hot.

Just joking. I was merely seeing if you were paying attention.

I'm not quite gorgeous yet not bung ugly, once drunkenly decribed as extremely sexy in nature but also a huge dork. Hmm.
Like most mid twenties girls, I obessess about lines around the eyes, whether I have found The One, when am I ever going to go overseas and whether renting for the rest of my life is a dim reality. That's for about twenty minutes total a day. The rest I think quite different. I am planning to write my auto-biography so I time travel to a time in my life that my story unfolds. Part of the plan is to blog these times and get regular writing habits.

Back to Me!

I'm the kind of girl that walks to work from the train station with headphones on and dances at the traffic lights, to tunes on the radio. Commuters often are listening to the same tunes and smile appreciatively - which makes us both smile.

I'm the kind of girl that works in a corporate salt mine of overworked and underappreciated "Jane-Does-It-Mediocre"s and "Jim Do-You-Know-Who-I-Was". I'm not saying I'm better than that. To some people that is reliable, comfortable and easy. I do not aim to be a "team senior task coach", second In charge. They get a few extra G's and bowel cancer at 50.

To me though - and it is my blog afterall - I sit infront of my ' Dell of Despair" prattling onto customers with ambigious multinational spin and just on the periphal rim of my glazed expression, I see Her. She floats with outstanding patience outside my window at my desk. Seems odd I know, especially as she never stops smiling flashing bright white teeth that actually sparkle like Van Cleef's. A vision, not unlike Supergirl in Victoria Secret , beckoning to me with a finely manicured hand. I explode through the chrome and plaster walls of the massive scryscraper and fly away holding hands. Through the gaping hole I leave in the side of the building , thousands of unfinished emails and urgent corporate confetti flutter onto the streets below ( as well as a handful of annoying collegues who are sucked out) our shadows bounce from cloud to cloud . And everyone would be shocked , mouths agape as we fly off ..

Snap! Did I mention I daydream.

Im the kind of girl who cries at television advertisements , cries over reality television stuff, cries over anything actually. But I can also be very tough, lasting though a lot of personal tragedies and adversities. All covered later. All in time.

I like anything frilly, pink and good qualilty.
I adore cheese.
All kinds.

Just not pink cheese with frills.

I adore sillyness and cherish humour.
Must be funny or have a sense of humour to get "me". I often get the inital "your a wierdo" but then when people see I actually do have a brain, it's loaded and I'm not afraid to use it -
well then things get fun. People are so frightened to be passionate , but not me - I approach things in technicolour and tap-dancing. Speaking of music...

I love to sing aloud and I love how when your with your girlfriend, driving in a car, you both simulanteously start singing at the same time - in the best parts ;) And dont you sound good!

I'm the kind of girl that dislikes silent treatments/mind games, poorly presented meals, overpriced singlets ( think von dutch) rude hand gestures when you honestly didnt mean to cut off, trip over, step on, spill over, run from said gesturing person. Im clumsy so this happens a lot. Pettiness. Not being staunch. Public Toilets and hearing women fart, and them hearing me whizz - I dont fart (LOL) Oh and let's not forget people that are too cool for school.
School was cool , dickheads.

I love scary rides and I love to let my hands go and feel the stomach touch the tonsils. Whoopee.Im the kind of girl who you would not think had a drug problem. But I did.
I have been clean for 2 years. I did it without rehab, shock therapy, incarceration.
I just did it. I will tell you how and why and when. Time will show.

Im the kind of girl who is ok with that and its not all of me, who I am and who I can ever be. Im the kind of girl that did things to survive that could give me nightmares but my hope is that those dark days are over, and that the light I bring to others will always guide my way.
I think that without showing you the darkness, you cannot fully feel the strength behind the sun.

XIts late. Pay no attention to the times.
They are wrong.
I dont know how to fix them yet.
I will finish talking about me tommorow.
All rather exciting.

Sleep well Lovelies

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